How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
