NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
