Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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