she woke up with a sticky ear
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
