just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
