He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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