Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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