so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
