Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You're breaking my sexual little heart
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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