Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
