I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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