mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
