This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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