ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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