Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
