I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
