She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
