No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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