i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
