I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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