Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
