I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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