How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When did angry sex become our thing?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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