Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
