Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
