this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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