There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
