the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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