Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
