im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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