Non-Jews are for practice
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
