dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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