so that wasnt chicken after all
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
