At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
