what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
