last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
40s are totally the cure
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
