all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
