dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Less talking, more tequila
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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