I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
