you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We are all done wearing pants today
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
