So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
