so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
