you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Pants are for mortals
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
