I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
