It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
