Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My legs feel like baby dolphins
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
