Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
