just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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