Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
