Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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