Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
