well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i love accidental penises.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
