I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My feet surprised me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
